The joke thread

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ANGEL OF DESEASE
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The joke thread

Post by ANGEL OF DESEASE »

A man escapes from prison

where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.



He orders the hard-on bearer out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the sexy leopard elevator to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.



While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:



"Listen, this hard-on bearer's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This hard-on bearer is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.





"



To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey.



_____________



:necro:
Image



<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
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Ninny
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Ninny »

Why are germans buried with their mouths closed?



























This will save you about 1 m³ of sand
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Burton C. Bell
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

god damnit ninny. :lol:



good joke AOD. :oldryan:
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Devy »

Statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]He is going to paint with brown colour the name of Morbid Angel. The colour of the shit of course.[/quote]

[quote name="Ninny"]There was a whistling fat woman at the bus stop, I had to walk away[/quote]
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ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread

Post by ANGEL OF DESEASE »

[quote="Lumbergh"



good joke AOD. <!-- s]





a chick gave me this on myspace, I wanted to copy it somewhere actually :redneck:

to be honest I never laugh at jokes.
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Redd »

I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Skinfection »

a baby seal walked into a club
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Re: The joke thread

Post by TamPron »

:redneck:
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]

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Re: The joke thread

Post by zim »

[quote name="Skinfection"]a baby seal walked into a club[/quote]



:lol:
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Burton C. Bell
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

classic
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Abzu »

:greenie:
ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:the path of whoring is something wicked and grim, and very philosophical.
;,,;
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Abzu »

Image
ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:the path of whoring is something wicked and grim, and very philosophical.
;,,;
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Haunty »

An overloaded passenger jet takes off from New York, headed west. About an hour into the flight, the airplane flies into some extreme turbulence.

After about 5 minutes of fruital shaking, the pilot comes on over the announcement system.



"Uh, we've been informed that our flight is dangerously overloaded, and might crash due to the turbulence. I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen,

but I'm going to have to ask three people to jump from the plane. To be fair, we're going to do this alphabetically.

If there are any African-Americans on board, three of you need to sacrifice yourselves and jump off."



Three furious African-Americans get up from their seats and jump from the plane, which quickly levels out.



About twenty minutes later, the jet encounters more turbulence, and over noise of the bouncing and shaking plane, the pilot announces,



"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to have to do this again, but our aircraft is still seriously overloaded, and might crash in this turbulence.

Again, going alphabetically, I'm going to ask three black people to jump from the plane, in order to save everyone else's lives. You will be heroes."



Three black people solemnly make their way to the open door, where they fling themselves out of the plane. The plane stabilizes, and though shaken, the

passengers remain safe.



Not even ten minutes later, the plane encounters turbulence again, and the pilot asks, "Okay, folks, our plane is still unbalanced, and we're going to need some people to jump. Continuing alphabetically, I'll ask three colored people to jump."



Way in the back of the plane, a little sexy leopard elevator turns to her mother and says, "Mommy, we don't have to jump do we? I thought we were African-American, but we didn't jump, and then I thought we were black, and we didn't jump."



The mother replies, "No, honey, we're dark folks (all sorts) today."
Image



Need a new signature? Why not Zoidberg? (V) (;,,;) (V)
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beandorkio
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Re: The joke thread

Post by beandorkio »

Q: What's the difference between an scrapple and a dead baby?

A: I don't cum on an scrapple before I eat it





Q: What's the difference between a ferrari and 20 dead babies?

A1: I don't have a ferrari in my garage

A2: I haven't jerked off on a ferrari



etc, etc
[quote name="it the dusto"]Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks[/quote]



[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]People is fucking crazy[/quote]
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Re: The joke thread

Post by ANGEL OF DESEASE »

[quote name="Redd"]I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.[/quote]





I feel your pain redd, is the same for me, but not because I fail with humor, cause simply jokes in he 70% of cases don't make me laugh. I hate when my dad tell jokes and I have to pretend of laughing :oldryan:
Image



<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
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Re: The joke thread

Post by baron von blondle »

HAHAHAH GO BEANY! more dead baby jokes!
Image Image
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]Peter Theobalds is a full of win.[/quote]
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Skinfection »

whats worse than one dead baby stapled to a tree?



one dead baby stapled to eight trees
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Re: The joke thread

Post by TamPron »

How do you make a dead baby float?





Ice cream & Root Beer
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]

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beandorkio
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Re: The joke thread

Post by beandorkio »

Q: What's worse than 20 dead babies?

A: The live baby at the bottom eating its way out
[quote name="it the dusto"]Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks[/quote]



[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]People is fucking crazy[/quote]
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Re: The joke thread

Post by TamPron »

What's the difference between a truck bed full of dead babies, & a truck bed full of bowling balls?





You can't remove the bowling balls with a pitchfork
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]

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Re: The joke thread

Post by Ostx »

[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]

to be honest I never laugh at jokes.[/quote]



no, you're too grim for that...
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ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread

Post by ANGEL OF DESEASE »

I'm not grim :redneck:
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Ostx »

:redneck: :beer:
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ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread

Post by ANGEL OF DESEASE »

:greenie:
Image



<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
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Re: The joke thread

Post by zim »

i crack up at just about anything i think is funny. even peoples reactions to things that are or aren't funny.
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Devy
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Devy »

<!-- w -->www.dead-baby-joke.com<!-- w -->



Now everyone can play!
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]He is going to paint with brown colour the name of Morbid Angel. The colour of the shit of course.[/quote]

[quote name="Ninny"]There was a whistling fat woman at the bus stop, I had to walk away[/quote]
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Re: The joke thread

Post by zim »

What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?

Deep Throat.
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Burton C. Bell
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

so...





a panda walks into a bar





goes over to a table and has some lunch, then pulls out a gun, shoots his waiter then walks out. A customer, shocked at these events says to the bartender, "what was that?!" the bartender rolls his eyes, hands him an encyclopedia and says "look up panda" the man turns to the entry and sees:











Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves. :grimsanta:
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Hugo. »

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis.

...Sorry - I mean ladder.
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?





























A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Re: The joke thread

Post by TamPron »

How many Negroids does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two; One to screw it in, & one to drive a pink cadillac
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]

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Re: The joke thread

Post by Hugo. »

Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

















You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper :redneck:
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Re: The joke thread

Post by TamPron »

A dwarf walks up to a chick and says "your hair smells nice"
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]

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Burton C. Bell
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?





















A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?































A. After five years your job will still suck.
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

A hard-on bearer calls out to his wife from their bedroom, "Honey, come and look at my clock."







She walks back there and sees him naked staring at his hard on. She says, "That's not a clock, thats your cock."







He replies, "It will be a clock as soon as there are two hands and a face on it."
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Uros »

Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car?



About 100.

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and the rest in the ashtray.
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man »

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?



I don't know about you, but I get an erection.
[quote name="Verbal"]i would hate to be raped by an ugly person[/quote]



[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]This kinds of stuff are very gay cause is involved the brain, not the penis[/quote]
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Abzu »

[quote name="MorbidAngle"]Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

















You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper :redneck:[/quote]

Yes you can.
ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:the path of whoring is something wicked and grim, and very philosophical.
;,,;
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Hugo. »

^Please elaborate..........
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Burton C. Bell »

Manowar.
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Re: The joke thread

Post by TamPron »

marmalade makes a wonderful lube
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]

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ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread

Post by ANGEL OF DESEASE »

a good lube is children oil :greenie:
Image



<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Verbal »

Redd wrote:
11 Jun 2009, 04:37
I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.
dont be too hard on yourself
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Methuselah Honeysuckle »

I thought she was back for a split second :krinor:
vega wrote:But when I am meeting she is a round circle like egg. :oldryan: . She is eating 88% of foods and I am paying 100% bill.
ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:
12 Jun 2009, 23:36
a good lube is children oil :greenie:
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Verbal
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Verbal »

one of you g.uys probably has her email or facebook or something

or her myspace lol
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Re: The joke thread

Post by User »

someone probably has her toenails, embalmed head or used underwear also
more metal
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Verbal »

get them to post here
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Methuselah Honeysuckle »

ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:
12 Jun 2009, 23:36
a good lube is children oil :greenie:
Welcome back to signatureville aod
vega wrote:But when I am meeting she is a round circle like egg. :oldryan: . She is eating 88% of foods and I am paying 100% bill.
ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:
12 Jun 2009, 23:36
a good lube is children oil :greenie:
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Re: The joke thread

Post by Verbal »

post more jokes
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