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The joke thread

Posted: 10 Jun 2009, 18:17
by ANGEL OF DESEASE
A man escapes from prison

where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.



He orders the hard-on bearer out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the sexy leopard elevator to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.



While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:



"Listen, this hard-on bearer's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This hard-on bearer is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.





"



To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey.



_____________



:necro:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 02:19
by Ninny
Why are germans buried with their mouths closed?



























This will save you about 1 m³ of sand

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 02:25
by Mesarthim
god damnit ninny. :lol:



good joke AOD. :oldryan:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 02:46
by Devy
Statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 03:38
by ANGEL OF DESEASE
[quote="Lumbergh"



good joke AOD. <!-- s]





a chick gave me this on myspace, I wanted to copy it somewhere actually :redneck:

to be honest I never laugh at jokes.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 04:37
by Redd
I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 06:15
by TamPron
:redneck:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 07:07
by zim
[quote name="Skinfection"]a baby seal walked into a club[/quote]



:lol:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 08:41
by Mesarthim
classic

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 11:14
by Abzu
:greenie:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 11:14
by Abzu
Image

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 12:01
by Haunty
An overloaded passenger jet takes off from New York, headed west. About an hour into the flight, the airplane flies into some extreme turbulence.

After about 5 minutes of fruital shaking, the pilot comes on over the announcement system.



"Uh, we've been informed that our flight is dangerously overloaded, and might crash due to the turbulence. I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen,

but I'm going to have to ask three people to jump from the plane. To be fair, we're going to do this alphabetically.

If there are any African-Americans on board, three of you need to sacrifice yourselves and jump off."



Three furious African-Americans get up from their seats and jump from the plane, which quickly levels out.



About twenty minutes later, the jet encounters more turbulence, and over noise of the bouncing and shaking plane, the pilot announces,



"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to have to do this again, but our aircraft is still seriously overloaded, and might crash in this turbulence.

Again, going alphabetically, I'm going to ask three black people to jump from the plane, in order to save everyone else's lives. You will be heroes."



Three black people solemnly make their way to the open door, where they fling themselves out of the plane. The plane stabilizes, and though shaken, the

passengers remain safe.



Not even ten minutes later, the plane encounters turbulence again, and the pilot asks, "Okay, folks, our plane is still unbalanced, and we're going to need some people to jump. Continuing alphabetically, I'll ask three colored people to jump."



Way in the back of the plane, a little sexy leopard elevator turns to her mother and says, "Mommy, we don't have to jump do we? I thought we were African-American, but we didn't jump, and then I thought we were black, and we didn't jump."



The mother replies, "No, honey, we're shadowalk's greatest fear today."

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 14:02
by beandorkio
Q: What's the difference between an scrapple and a dead baby?

A: I don't cum on an scrapple before I eat it





Q: What's the difference between a ferrari and 20 dead babies?

A1: I don't have a ferrari in my garage

A2: I haven't jerked off on a ferrari



etc, etc

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 17:25
by ANGEL OF DESEASE
[quote name="Redd"]I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.[/quote]





I feel your pain redd, is the same for me, but not because I fail with humor, cause simply jokes in he 70% of cases don't make me laugh. I hate when my dad tell jokes and I have to pretend of laughing :oldryan:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 19:17
by baron von blondle
HAHAHAH GO BEANY! more dead baby jokes!

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 11 Jun 2009, 23:11
by TamPron
How do you make a dead baby float?





Ice cream & Root Beer

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 00:09
by beandorkio
Q: What's worse than 20 dead babies?

A: The live baby at the bottom eating its way out

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 00:21
by TamPron
What's the difference between a truck bed full of dead babies, & a truck bed full of bowling balls?





You can't remove the bowling balls with a pitchfork

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 00:38
by vO)))id
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]

to be honest I never laugh at jokes.[/quote]



no, you're too grim for that...

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 00:44
by ANGEL OF DESEASE
I'm not grim :redneck:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 00:51
by vO)))id
:redneck: :beer:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 01:07
by ANGEL OF DESEASE
:greenie:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 01:35
by zim
i crack up at just about anything i think is funny. even peoples reactions to things that are or aren't funny.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 03:43
by Devy
<!-- w -->www.dead-baby-joke.com<!-- w -->



Now everyone can play!

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 04:36
by zim
What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?

Deep Throat.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 05:07
by Mesarthim
so...





a panda walks into a bar





goes over to a table and has some lunch, then pulls out a gun, shoots his waiter then walks out. A customer, shocked at these events says to the bartender, "what was that?!" the bartender rolls his eyes, hands him an encyclopedia and says "look up panda" the man turns to the entry and sees:











Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves. :grimsanta:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:07
by Hugo.
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis.

...Sorry - I mean ladder.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:11
by Mesarthim
Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?





























A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:16
by TamPron
How many Negroids does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two; One to screw it in, & one to drive a pink cadillac

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:24
by Hugo.
Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

















You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper :redneck:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:27
by TamPron
A dwarf walks up to a chick and says "your hair smells nice"

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:38
by Mesarthim
Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?





















A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:38
by Mesarthim
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?































A. After five years your job will still suck.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 07:39
by Mesarthim
A hard-on bearer calls out to his wife from their bedroom, "Honey, come and look at my clock."







She walks back there and sees him naked staring at his hard on. She says, "That's not a clock, thats your cock."







He replies, "It will be a clock as soon as there are two hands and a face on it."

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 08:09
by Uros
Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car?



About 100.

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and the rest in the ashtray.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 09:04
by Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?



I don't know about you, but I get an erection.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 11:41
by Abzu
[quote name="MorbidAngle"]Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

















You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper :redneck:[/quote]

Yes you can.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 19:17
by Hugo.
^Please elaborate..........

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 20:46
by Mesarthim
Manowar.

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 23:25
by TamPron
marmalade makes a wonderful lube

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 12 Jun 2009, 23:36
by ANGEL OF DESEASE
a good lube is children oil :greenie:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 25 Aug 2020, 04:25
by Verbal
Redd wrote:
11 Jun 2009, 04:37
I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.
dont be too hard on yourself

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 25 Aug 2020, 04:26
by Methuselah Honeysuckle
I thought she was back for a split second :krinor:

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 25 Aug 2020, 04:28
by Verbal
one of you g.uys probably has her email or facebook or something

or her myspace lol

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 25 Aug 2020, 05:12
by User
someone probably has her toenails, embalmed head or used underwear also

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 25 Aug 2020, 05:15
by Verbal
get them to post here

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 25 Aug 2020, 06:25
by Methuselah Honeysuckle
ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:
12 Jun 2009, 23:36
a good lube is children oil :greenie:
Welcome back to signatureville aod

Re: The joke thread

Posted: 27 Aug 2020, 06:43
by Verbal
post more jokes