The joke thread
- ANGEL OF DESEASE
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The joke thread
A man escapes from prison
where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the hard-on bearer out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the sexy leopard elevator to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this hard-on bearer's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This hard-on bearer is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
"
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey.
_____________
where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the hard-on bearer out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the sexy leopard elevator to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this hard-on bearer's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This hard-on bearer is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
"
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey.
_____________
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
- Ninny
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Re: The joke thread
Why are germans buried with their mouths closed?
This will save you about 1 m³ of sand
This will save you about 1 m³ of sand
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
god damnit ninny.
good joke AOD.
good joke AOD.
- Devy
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Re: The joke thread
Statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]He is going to paint with brown colour the name of Morbid Angel. The colour of the shit of course.[/quote]
[quote name="Ninny"]There was a whistling fat woman at the bus stop, I had to walk away[/quote]
[quote name="Ninny"]There was a whistling fat woman at the bus stop, I had to walk away[/quote]
- ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread
[quote="Lumbergh"
good joke AOD. <!-- s]
a chick gave me this on myspace, I wanted to copy it somewhere actually
to be honest I never laugh at jokes.
good joke AOD. <!-- s]
a chick gave me this on myspace, I wanted to copy it somewhere actually
to be honest I never laugh at jokes.
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
-
- Ancient One
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Re: The joke thread
I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.
- TamPron
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Re: The joke thread
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]
- zim
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Re: The joke thread
[quote name="Skinfection"]a baby seal walked into a club[/quote]
the dead vote well wrote: ↑18 Jun 2021, 04:22moving from a garbage disposal back to the dumpster but it’s an improvement nonetheless
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
classic
- Abzu
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Re: The joke thread
;,,;ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:the path of whoring is something wicked and grim, and very philosophical.
- Abzu
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Re: The joke thread
;,,;ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:the path of whoring is something wicked and grim, and very philosophical.
- Haunty
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Re: The joke thread
An overloaded passenger jet takes off from New York, headed west. About an hour into the flight, the airplane flies into some extreme turbulence.
After about 5 minutes of fruital shaking, the pilot comes on over the announcement system.
"Uh, we've been informed that our flight is dangerously overloaded, and might crash due to the turbulence. I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen,
but I'm going to have to ask three people to jump from the plane. To be fair, we're going to do this alphabetically.
If there are any African-Americans on board, three of you need to sacrifice yourselves and jump off."
Three furious African-Americans get up from their seats and jump from the plane, which quickly levels out.
About twenty minutes later, the jet encounters more turbulence, and over noise of the bouncing and shaking plane, the pilot announces,
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to have to do this again, but our aircraft is still seriously overloaded, and might crash in this turbulence.
Again, going alphabetically, I'm going to ask three black people to jump from the plane, in order to save everyone else's lives. You will be heroes."
Three black people solemnly make their way to the open door, where they fling themselves out of the plane. The plane stabilizes, and though shaken, the
passengers remain safe.
Not even ten minutes later, the plane encounters turbulence again, and the pilot asks, "Okay, folks, our plane is still unbalanced, and we're going to need some people to jump. Continuing alphabetically, I'll ask three colored people to jump."
Way in the back of the plane, a little sexy leopard elevator turns to her mother and says, "Mommy, we don't have to jump do we? I thought we were African-American, but we didn't jump, and then I thought we were black, and we didn't jump."
The mother replies, "No, honey, we're shadowalk's greatest fear today."
After about 5 minutes of fruital shaking, the pilot comes on over the announcement system.
"Uh, we've been informed that our flight is dangerously overloaded, and might crash due to the turbulence. I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen,
but I'm going to have to ask three people to jump from the plane. To be fair, we're going to do this alphabetically.
If there are any African-Americans on board, three of you need to sacrifice yourselves and jump off."
Three furious African-Americans get up from their seats and jump from the plane, which quickly levels out.
About twenty minutes later, the jet encounters more turbulence, and over noise of the bouncing and shaking plane, the pilot announces,
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to have to do this again, but our aircraft is still seriously overloaded, and might crash in this turbulence.
Again, going alphabetically, I'm going to ask three black people to jump from the plane, in order to save everyone else's lives. You will be heroes."
Three black people solemnly make their way to the open door, where they fling themselves out of the plane. The plane stabilizes, and though shaken, the
passengers remain safe.
Not even ten minutes later, the plane encounters turbulence again, and the pilot asks, "Okay, folks, our plane is still unbalanced, and we're going to need some people to jump. Continuing alphabetically, I'll ask three colored people to jump."
Way in the back of the plane, a little sexy leopard elevator turns to her mother and says, "Mommy, we don't have to jump do we? I thought we were African-American, but we didn't jump, and then I thought we were black, and we didn't jump."
The mother replies, "No, honey, we're shadowalk's greatest fear today."
Need a new signature? Why not Zoidberg? (V) (;,,;) (V)
- beandorkio
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Re: The joke thread
Q: What's the difference between an scrapple and a dead baby?
A: I don't cum on an scrapple before I eat it
Q: What's the difference between a ferrari and 20 dead babies?
A1: I don't have a ferrari in my garage
A2: I haven't jerked off on a ferrari
etc, etc
A: I don't cum on an scrapple before I eat it
Q: What's the difference between a ferrari and 20 dead babies?
A1: I don't have a ferrari in my garage
A2: I haven't jerked off on a ferrari
etc, etc
[quote name="it the dusto"]Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks[/quote]
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]People is fucking crazy[/quote]
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]People is fucking crazy[/quote]
- ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread
[quote name="Redd"]I don't like jokes because half the time I don't get them. I fail with humor.[/quote]
I feel your pain redd, is the same for me, but not because I fail with humor, cause simply jokes in he 70% of cases don't make me laugh. I hate when my dad tell jokes and I have to pretend of laughing
I feel your pain redd, is the same for me, but not because I fail with humor, cause simply jokes in he 70% of cases don't make me laugh. I hate when my dad tell jokes and I have to pretend of laughing
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
- baron von blondle
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Re: The joke thread
HAHAHAH GO BEANY! more dead baby jokes!
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]Peter Theobalds is a full of win.[/quote]
- TamPron
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Re: The joke thread
How do you make a dead baby float?
Ice cream & Root Beer
Ice cream & Root Beer
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]
- beandorkio
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Re: The joke thread
Q: What's worse than 20 dead babies?
A: The live baby at the bottom eating its way out
A: The live baby at the bottom eating its way out
[quote name="it the dusto"]Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks[/quote]
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]People is fucking crazy[/quote]
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]People is fucking crazy[/quote]
- TamPron
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Re: The joke thread
What's the difference between a truck bed full of dead babies, & a truck bed full of bowling balls?
You can't remove the bowling balls with a pitchfork
You can't remove the bowling balls with a pitchfork
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]
- vO)))id
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Re: The joke thread
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]
to be honest I never laugh at jokes.[/quote]
no, you're too grim for that...
to be honest I never laugh at jokes.[/quote]
no, you're too grim for that...
- ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread
I'm not grim
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
- vO)))id
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- ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
- zim
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Re: The joke thread
i crack up at just about anything i think is funny. even peoples reactions to things that are or aren't funny.
the dead vote well wrote: ↑18 Jun 2021, 04:22moving from a garbage disposal back to the dumpster but it’s an improvement nonetheless
- Devy
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Re: The joke thread
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]He is going to paint with brown colour the name of Morbid Angel. The colour of the shit of course.[/quote]
[quote name="Ninny"]There was a whistling fat woman at the bus stop, I had to walk away[/quote]
[quote name="Ninny"]There was a whistling fat woman at the bus stop, I had to walk away[/quote]
- zim
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Re: The joke thread
What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.
Deep Throat.
the dead vote well wrote: ↑18 Jun 2021, 04:22moving from a garbage disposal back to the dumpster but it’s an improvement nonetheless
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
so...
a panda walks into a bar
goes over to a table and has some lunch, then pulls out a gun, shoots his waiter then walks out. A customer, shocked at these events says to the bartender, "what was that?!" the bartender rolls his eyes, hands him an encyclopedia and says "look up panda" the man turns to the entry and sees:
Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.
a panda walks into a bar
goes over to a table and has some lunch, then pulls out a gun, shoots his waiter then walks out. A customer, shocked at these events says to the bartender, "what was that?!" the bartender rolls his eyes, hands him an encyclopedia and says "look up panda" the man turns to the entry and sees:
Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.
- Hugo.
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Re: The joke thread
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis.
...Sorry - I mean ladder.
Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis.
...Sorry - I mean ladder.
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
- TamPron
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Re: The joke thread
How many Negroids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two; One to screw it in, & one to drive a pink cadillac
Two; One to screw it in, & one to drive a pink cadillac
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]
- Hugo.
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Re: The joke thread
Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?
You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper
You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper
- TamPron
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Re: The joke thread
A dwarf walks up to a chick and says "your hair smells nice"
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
A. After five years your job will still suck.
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
A hard-on bearer calls out to his wife from their bedroom, "Honey, come and look at my clock."
She walks back there and sees him naked staring at his hard on. She says, "That's not a clock, thats your cock."
He replies, "It will be a clock as soon as there are two hands and a face on it."
She walks back there and sees him naked staring at his hard on. She says, "That's not a clock, thats your cock."
He replies, "It will be a clock as soon as there are two hands and a face on it."
- Uros
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Re: The joke thread
Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car?
About 100.
2 in the front, 2 in the back, and the rest in the ashtray.
About 100.
2 in the front, 2 in the back, and the rest in the ashtray.
- Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man
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Re: The joke thread
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
I don't know about you, but I get an erection.
I don't know about you, but I get an erection.
[quote name="Verbal"]i would hate to be raped by an ugly person[/quote]
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]This kinds of stuff are very gay cause is involved the brain, not the penis[/quote]
[quote name="ANGEL OF DESEASE"]This kinds of stuff are very gay cause is involved the brain, not the penis[/quote]
- Abzu
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Re: The joke thread
[quote name="MorbidAngle"]Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?
You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper [/quote]
Yes you can.
You cant marmalade your dick up some girls pooper [/quote]
Yes you can.
;,,;ANGEL OF DESEASE wrote:the path of whoring is something wicked and grim, and very philosophical.
- Hugo.
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Re: The joke thread
^Please elaborate..........
- Mesarthim
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Re: The joke thread
Manowar.
- TamPron
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Re: The joke thread
marmalade makes a wonderful lube
[quote name="Extreme Noise Tara"]They are. [/quote]
- ANGEL OF DESEASE
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Re: The joke thread
a good lube is children oil
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="rocknrolla">prostitutes....they are magical beings. Almost like unicorns. But instead of unicorns, prostitutes do exist. They cost real money. But..........It may just be worth the while. They do unbelievable things with their mouths.</blockquote><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Extreme Noise Tara">Ryan is black.</blockquote>
- Verbal
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- Methuselah Honeysuckle
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Re: The joke thread
I thought she was back for a split second
- Verbal
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Re: The joke thread
one of you g.uys probably has her email or facebook or something
or her myspace lol
or her myspace lol
- User
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Re: The joke thread
someone probably has her toenails, embalmed head or used underwear also
more metal
- Verbal
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Re: The joke thread
get them to post here
- Methuselah Honeysuckle
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Re: The joke thread
Welcome back to signatureville aod
- Verbal
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Re: The joke thread
post more jokes